Thank you or my way to insanity and back

It's 01:00 AM on a not-so-cold Wednesday in November. As the few readers know I have the special ability to turn easiest things in the hardest ones leading my mind into some state of insanity. Not that one you may find in Arkham Asylum. It's some kind of insanity only fools or clueless kids may have.

After fighting little wars and brawls over the last two years because of my insanity it's now time to re-think. I wasn't honest to important persons of my life and I wasn't honest to myself. I've set course to insanity.
I've cheated, I've lied, I lived a life I couldn't afford. It was a trip to hell and heaven and back again.
It was the time to grew up. It was my time of getting older and make some experiences. Good one and bad ones. It was my time of being insane. I was crazy about - you!

I've devoted time, money and love to you. Some said I'm insane because I did that. Other said they envy me for doing this. I say it was right.

You gave me the feeling of being loved, you gave me the feeling of being save and secure. You gave me the feeling of being free, you gave me the feeling of being myself. I've learned so much and I really want to thank you for this. Even after some differences we had in the past, we've left this behind. We've learned together to life our lives, with and without each other. We've learned to life in this world full of problems, pain and war.
You've teached me to life.

We've now spent some days together. Maybe the last days for quite a long time. But instead of being sad about this, we should be happy we've had this time together. Time of being honest, obliging and just what we are now - real.
No more lies, no more worries, no more pain, no more brawls, no more cheater, no more problems. Just ourself.
And it was a good time, maybe the best for me.

I haven't deserved you, I couldn't see my deepest truth in the past and therefore I've destroyed what we've had.
I took us to chaos and insanity.

But now I've learned to control my insanity and to look forward for healing it.
Now I know I have to look forward and not backwards. I will carry the past in my heart every day of my entire life. I will remember all the time, the good one and the bad one too.
I will remember you.

I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for your words.
Thank you for your smile.
Thank you for your eyes looking at me.
Thank you for listening to me.
Thank you for understanding me.
Thank you for being honest to me.
Thank you for all the adventures.
Thank you for loving me.

Thank you.